The OMR Highway Code

Left lane: car parking, vehicles at above 100 kmph, overtaking traffic;

Middle lane: general traffic (including buses and their trailers). You can move to the left lane when overtaking but try not to confuse people with indicators. Once you’re done overtaking, do not linger too much on the left lane. You don’t want to disturb the drivers sleeping in the parked cars there. Immediately switch back to the middle lane cutting the vehicle you were overtaking and slow down a bit before speeding again. Everyone on this lane has to overtake everyone else. Don’t ask how. It’s one of those life-is-fast-paced type philosophy. Just do it unless you want to get run over, or move to the right lane;

Right lane: Bicycles, autos not exceeding 30 kmph (and whose wheels have the miraculous ability to zigzag in perfect randomness), two wheeler parking (for those who want to drop off their pillion rider(s) on the divider and have a little chat before parting), cars/cabs that immediately have to take a left turn, two wheelers incapable of going beyond 40 (read Scooty), general vehicles figuring out where they want to go;

Did I forget trucks? Oh, trucks just emerge out of nowhere and disappear into nowhere. Just try not to be in their way when they are there.

Pedestrians: you can walk on the left lane or the right. The middle one might be a little too crowded to enjoy your morning walk.The overhead bridges are preserved as a national monument. Do not damage them. When you want to cross, just raise your hand and look away. This will immediately bring the entire highway traffic to a stand still for you. (The looking away is to protect yourself from the angry stares but that’s ok. Anger management is an art, and it’s not your fault that these people aren’t capable of handling it). Walk slowly, and if you own a mobile phone, here’s when you should ‘walk and talk’. Doctors and the Media say it’s good for your health;

After sunset: On the highway, never mind there aren’t any streetlights, turn your head lights off. It saves electricity. Just honk when you want to overtake. The sound is particularly soothing in the night. Once you turn into the city, onto the two-way roads, turn on your highlights to high beam. This is required to show the vehicles coming towards you who’s boss! Your vehicle has a dim/dip option only for your kid to play with the switch when he’s bored.

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