life


by Abirami.

Now, the unbelieving, skeptical cynic that you are, I know you’ll go to her blog to check if she really did tag me and  on seeing her blog protected, you will find it hard to believe that I was indeed tagged. Well, what can I say, you’ll just have to try and believe me. (Abirami, see, this is one of the million reasons why you should have your blog public).

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Throw a tantrum big enough to make him wish he was never born; failing which, just try to pretend he was never born and move on!

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
I can’t decide which one I want to come true. Can I inky pinky ponky?

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
This guy in office who keeps tapping on my desk for no reason, every time he passes my cubicle.  I’d like to kick his butt and break his fingers too :-/ It’s all the more irritating when I’m concentrating on work, you know. Like now.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
First things first. Convert it to Rupees and then, hire someone to count it for me.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
If I happen to fall in love with him, he being my best friend would be an icing on the cake.  (Before you start wondering, no, it was just a theoretical answer)

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Depends on who of the two someones is more good-looking.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Forever. But while I wait, just make sure I don’t get bored, ok?!

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Secretly wish he’d get himself cloned soon.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Actor. Any single actor. Who would later become my bf and then husband, and would then leave me a large alimony amount when we get divorced.  (Well, since Qn  4 was hypothetical,  I’m just making my own plans for the billion dollars)

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Being snubbed by someone I care about. But then, I get myself up pretty soon too. After a lot of cribbing and whining, of course.

11. How do you see yourself at this time ten years down the line?
Well, definitely not sitting in office at 7PM, answering questions about my love-life.

12. What’s your fear?
Ok, here comes the big list (may be, I should categorize them, put them in alphabetical order and number them)
– Accidents. Particularly that, someone I know (and needless to say, care about) would be involved in one. The very thought freaks me out.
– Flying cockroaches (Seriously, why do these creepy creatures have to have wings?)
– Spiders (three or more legged)
– Being home alone at night (Strangely, being out alone in the dark doesn’t scare me so much)
– Lift doors. Well, lifts in general.
– *Kinda embarrassed* Electricity. (I have this strange premonition that I’m gonna die of an electric shock. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my premonitions never come true)

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Awesome writer ( if only you could read her blog). And, I wish I’d gotten to know her better in person  when I had my chance.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single with a rich boyfriend. (It’s nice to be pampered…without the hassles that marriage would bring, no?)

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Try to pick my thoughts from where I left them the previous night…

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Mm..can I answer this later? Later as in a few decades later?

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
I’ll have to pick? Can’t I have them both? Why? Ok, the one who can make me laugh, even when I’m in a not-so-laughing mood.

18. Would you forgive and forget, no matter how horrible a thing someone has done?
Forgive, yes. Quite easily. Forget, No. Though, I sometimes wish it was the other way round.

19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
Single.  And in a place where it’s OK to be single.

20. List 6 people to tag
One more time I tag my friends, I’m sure atleast one of them will find 20 creative ways to kill me. So, if you have a blog and if you think the tag is cool, and if you’re NOT my friend, consider yourself tagged.  And if you will do it, well, so sweet of you!

(Warning: This is one incoherent post you’d rather not read. Trust me)

Everyone gets exactly one chance in life to be and act totally insane. I used up mine this February.

*****

A phone conversation sometime in January:

Me: (Looking at the calendar): Hey, know what? This February is a full four week month.

Friend: Err..what?

Me: You know, it’s got four full weeks, each starting on a Sunday and ending on a Saturday. Covers four columns in the calendar completely. Know what I mean?

Friend: Yeah, I get it (actually wanting to say, “yeah, so what?!”..or may be, that’s what he said)

Anyway, I don’t remember what was said before that and what after that, but it’s strange how the little things you say offhandedly in a conversation, comes back to haunt you much later.  Little had I realized then that the four full weeks I’d talked about so carelessly would turn out to be four full weeks of disappointment, confusion, hurt, pain, happiness (yeah, I was happy too, for reasons I can’t quite comprehend now)  and many many what-is-happening-to-me and why-is-this-happening-to-me moments.   It was a month where I’ve said and done, and believed things that were totally ‘NOT ME’! While the trials and tribulations I’ve been through in the past have made me realize my strength, this one scared me. I was lost. I desperately tried to find myself only to move farther away…

As I sit here on the last day of the month, introspecting and trying to figure out what went wrong, I can’t think of anything. All I know is that it has been an insane month for me and I’d like to be excused from it..forever. Even on Judgment Day. Are you listening, God? No questions about Feb ’09, ok?

*****

I was trying to book a train ticket yesterday and this is what irctc had to say:

feb as irctc sees it

(Click to enlarge)

This is the first time irctc had ever made me smile. In some sense, it feels good to know that February has only 28 days…and that it’ll be over soon.

I have no clue how March is going to be, or for that matter, any of the coming months. It’s scary. It could be as bad as Feb or even worse. But there’s one thing I know for sure it’s NOT going to be: Crazy!

Oh btw, I’m not the only one who thinks February is the worst month of the year.  This person does too..for different reasons. From the article:

Speaking of holidays, February ‘holidays’ are nothing more than a pathetic excuse to sit around and think about how painful February really is.

The few and far between great parts of February are only attainable through either great expense or extreme luck, and always carry a serious risk of public humiliation.

How very true!

P.S. This isn’t the kind of post I’d normally put up in my blog, but what the heck, I’ve still got a few hours to go before Feb ends and I can still claim the right to be insane until it’s over.

P.P.S. There’s a good chance this post would be removed in a few days.  Naturally, ‘cos it’s not something I’d like to revisit any day. So don’t look for it if it suddenly disappears. (That’s for those of you who actually came this far in reading it, in spite of the warning)

(Part 1 here…)

One day, as the little crow was flying around, she saw a glass jar. It was a normal looking jar, except that it did not appear to hold any water. She thought it was strange for all jars she’d seen so far held water, atleast a little bit. She flew down to look more closely at it. She noticed that it was a fine jar – not very ornate but well made. She treaded forward, a tad cautiously and sat on the brim of the jar, from where she could look at the world around her. Strangely, the world appeared more beautiful from the brim of the jar than it did when she was flying above.

She sat there for a long while, not really doing anything, when she suddenly noticed there indeed was some water sparkling in the jar. She was a little surprised that she hadn’t seen it all this while she was sitting there. The glistening water mesmerized her. Did I tell you, it was quite a bright and sunny day? Without thinking much, she picked a pebble from the ground – strangely the pebble wasn’t as heavy as she had expected it to be – and dropped it into the water. The ripples it created startled her for a moment. But then, it was beautiful too. She wondered if she should drop another pebble in. The water was glistening again in the sun, brighter than before. She told herself it wouldn’t matter whether the water ever reached the brim or not, she could fly away any moment she wanted to. She wasn’t so scared now. She picked a few more pebbles, one by one and dropped them into the jar, choosing first the lighter stones and then, the heavier. The water kept rising with each pebble, sparkling even more each time. Every now and then, she stopped, wondering if something could go wrong, for she always knew something could…but she liked picking the pebbles, she liked the sparkle in the water and she liked everything about the jar.

Soon, the jar was nearly filled with pebbles and the water rose very close to the brim. It scared the crow now for she didn’t know what would happen when the water reached the brim. She had no clue. Nevertheless, she kept dropping the pebbles in till she could see the water very nearly touching the brim. She picked the last pebble, and holding her breath, gingerly dropped it into the jar…

Suddenly, something happened. Something she had feared all along. The water started flowing down between the stones, towards the bottom of the jar and was quickly draining out. She could not entirely understand what went wrong but she realized somewhere along the way, while she was busy dropping the pebbles in, the jar had cracked. She was ready to pick more pebbles and drop them in if it could help, but it was too late and all too suddenly, over.

She sat there at the brim, feeling sad and wishing the jar had somehow not cracked, wishing she had never dropped that last pebble, wishing she had never picked any pebbles…wishing she had never stopped to look at the jar, wishing she had never seen the jar. The other crows urged her to fly away. ‘The river isn’t far away’, they said, ‘fly’!

But the little crow just sat there watching the jar –  now filled with stones, and the traces of water fast evaporating – hoping she would soon find the strength to fly…

Related Posts:

The road I took…
Don’t Look Back
The Little Things
The little red balloon

(This post comes in two parts – only ‘cos it was too long to fit in one. I don’t intend to make it into a mega serial or anything. That said, the post could be as boring as a mega serial. Don’t say you weren’t warned)

“Once upon a time, a thirsty crow noticed a huge jar and saw that, at the very bottom, there was a little water. For a long time the crow tried to spill the water out so she can drink some and quench her thirst. After exerting herself for some time in vain, she thought of an idea. She picked some pebbles lying around and tossed them into the jar. As the pebbles settled down at the bottom of the jar, the water rose and eventually, she was able to take a drink”

Now, you should know that it’s not everyday that a crow would do something this clever. The foxes never liked the crows and the swans were wary of them, but the cuckoos, they always made crows feel very stupid. So, naturally, our crow’s ingenuity in fetching water from the jar spread far and wide. Books were written about her, the principles on how the water rose were discussed, several debates were fought and our crow, eventually, went down in history as the crow that fetched water from the jar. The jar became significant too. People wondered what kind of jar it was, how much water it had when the pebbles were dropped, whether it being a pitcher made any difference and so on. Every physics textbook discussed the Water Jar principle in much detail.

Several generations later, though the water jar principle was still much discussed and taught in schools, life wasn’t so difficult for crows as it was earlier. There was water everywhere – in the streams, rivers, fountains, broken municipality pipes, everywhere – and crows never went thirsty. Yet, many crows still liked to drink water from the jars, dropping pebbles into them. Some did it for the fun of it, some said the water from the jar tasted better and some were just curious…

Now, there was this little crow, who flew around all by herself, drinking water from where ever she could get and stealing food from houses, whenever she was hungry. Life was as smooth as it could get and she was happy. She was bored some times, yet she wasn’t troubled. Every now and then, she would hear stories about how the other crows drop pebbles in jars to drink water. She never understood why anyone would want to do that – sit all day long at the brim of a jar, drop pebbles in and wait for the water to rise. The water might taste very good but she knew, for quite sensible she was, that anything could go wrong when dropping the pebbles in and you might never get the water. The jar might be too deep, one of the pebbles might break the jar or the water inside might just evaporate before you got to it. Nevertheless, she was amused by the stories she heard. She was always curious to know what happened to these crows. She was happy for the ones who succeeded in reaching the water, sad for the ones who failed and angry at the ones who broke the jars.

(Continued here)

…and it’s that time of the year when people make you feel a tad left out and unwelcome in the excitement… ‘cos you did not stay up late on New Year’s eve thinking about how the previous year went, how you’d like the new year to be, what you’d like to change in yourself and all that interesting stuff that new year blog posts are generally made of. Instead you were busy thinking about who you should call, who you should message and who you should give a missed call to before the mobile networks shutdown for 30 minutes in  memory of the past year. The next day, New Year’s day, when people ask you what your new year resolution is and your mind suddenly goes “er..”, you realize you aren’t quite welcome into the New Year without a resolution to share.  Now, not that my new year started any less happier than anyone else’s but this have-to-take-a-resolution thing that people insist on always leaves me feeling a li’l lost. I mean, what’s wrong with the way I am, except for the fact that the way I am sucks?

Anyway I finally decided to give in to the pressure and take a resolution this year. (A whole week late, I know, but what the heck. They taught me in school that it’s better late than never and I’m going to utilize that excuse to the full extent whenever and wherever possible)…

You know how every time you get those forwards on astrological signs and you start comparing your own personality with the traits of your (zodiac) stereotype? Well, I’m not so much into astrology and I don’t quite care where the stars and planets chose to party when I was born (liked they cared about my birth!), but I think  Taurus is the coolest sign to be in. I’ve always been proud of being a Taurean. But, then, I look at myself and analyze how well I fit in as a Taurean; and that’s when the proverbial fall comes. I’ve none of the cool Taurean traits I’m supposed to have!  I sometimes wonder if I really was born in May or my parents just chose May for my birthday ‘cos it would be summer vacation and they wouldn’t have to buy me toffees to distribute in school.  Anyway, getting back to the resolution stuff we were talking about, here’s  my resolution for 2009:  Become a real Taurean…ok, atleast a near Taurean.

The cool Taurus traits I will try to adopt starting 2009 (note the emphasis on the “try”. That’s to keep you from asking me for status reports):

–Stubborn–
The Taurean trait. I call this a birth right more than just a trait.

–Determined and strong–
Let me just say, I SO want to be…

–Practical–
My blog title, “drifting away from reality”.  Need I say more? Time I stepped down to earth. Things must have changed a lot there since I last visited.

–Sensible–
Tough one to work on, I k now, for a person blessed with less than required common-sense but heck, I’m atleast gonna try.

–Patient–
Well, while I am usually quite patient with people (now, that’s not a cue for you to test it, ok!), being patient with myself and life, in general, is what I think I should try to be.

–Ferociously angry–
The very phrase, ‘ferociously angry’ sounds like fun, no?

–Relaxed and laid-back–
“Someone please stop this whirlpool in my head. It’s dragging me in!”.  A line I keep telling myself very often. High time I cleared the garbage dump I’ve made of my mind in all these years.

–Lazy–
I’m enough and more lazy already but what I’m going to do is to stop worrying about people nagging me about it. I’ve the right to be lazy ok! The stars said so.


The cool traits that I don’t have and can’t do anything about:

–Creative–
ahem!

–Artistic–
I can’t, for the life of me, understand ‘Art’.

–Financial wizard–
(Saw this in one of those astrology sites) Finance? Me? Seriously?

The un-cool traits that I ‘don’t have and don’t care’ much about:

–Possessive–
I don’t think this is a Taurean trait. There must have been some mix up somewhere. Cool people are not possessive.

–Honest —
bah!

–Punctual–
how very boring to be punctual all the time! Nobody would even notice you.

–Law-abiding–
I’m not exactly sure when being law-abiding went from cool to uncool but really, I don’t care much.

–Loves food–
:D A big joke! people who know me personally would vouch for that.

So, people, now that I have a resolution (as fuzzy as it  may be), can I please enter 2009? Thank you.

Wish you all a happy year ahead!  (Didn’t I tell you, it’s better late than never?)

Aren’t we supposed to get full marks for out-of-syllabus questions? Can someone please tell Life this?!

No preparation time, no study guides, no mock exams, no ‘grace marks’, no fair rules and heck, the lessons come after the exam! Real life’s all screwed up, I tell you. Wish I could go back to school and just stay there!

I went to church yesterday in a rather grumpy mood. That we were late and had to sit outside (‘cos the cozy seats inside were full already) only worsened my mood. While I sat there with only half my mind listening to the pastor droning on about how of all apostles Peter loved Jesus the most and Jesus, in turn, loved John the most (God’s got his favorites too huh?); and the other half of my mind wondering why my life was getting crappier and crappier each day, I noticed this little girl sitting next to me, holding a red balloon in her hands – you know, those heart shaped helium balloons that kids are very fond of? The balloon that is supposed to be held only by it’s strand, this kid was clutching in her hands like one would hold a prized possession. Her tear-stained face sporting a smile and the irritated look on her mother’s face suggested she must’ve gotten the balloon after throwing a reasonable tantrum.

Things seemed hunky-dory until her little brother – the naughty brats that brothers usually are – pushed her and she, in an attempt to catch her balance let go of the balloon. With her hands still outstretched, she stared at the balloon as it went higher and higher up, out of her reach. I thought any moment she was going to turn around and spank her brother hard or cry for another balloon or may be just sulk. Her mother watched too, with a terrified not-another-tantrum-now look on her face. But to everyone’s surprise, the little kid turned around and said, with a voice full of delight, ‘amma, balloon yesu appa kitta poguthu‘, that roughly (and religion independently) translates to, ‘Ma, the balloon is going to God’. I couldn’t help but smile at that.

She continued to watch the balloon till it was just a dot and finally said, with a look of pride and satisfaction, ‘poyiruchu‘ (meaning ‘it’s gone’ as in ‘it’s gone to it’s destination’). Am sure God himself must have been distracted for a moment, to watch the little red balloon coming His way. What smile it must’ve brought to His otherwise solemn face! :)

All of a sudden life didn’t appear so bad after all…

Sometimes, a little red balloon, against the dark clouds, is all it takes to make the sky beautiful to gaze upon’

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